Screaming silence

Screaming silence

 I seem to enjoy
the dead
screaming
silence
that makes me feel so
alive
 but makes others dead seconds later
 the silence in the beginning of a battle
the first shot comes
and the ripple effect starts
And then comes the sounds that make up a band people would pay not to go to
Then smell of empty smoke
which does not bode well with my dry mouth my
dry mouth
 that water would surely cure
my dry mouth
that hard tack feeds  and fills every sour taste bud
but does not fill me
my dry mouth
 that is dry from watching my red
bloody best friend die in a battle
 red
the color of
anger
 of loneliness
of war
 red
like the blood trickling down his arm
calling for my name
 echoing puffs of horror
ringing in my
wounded ear drums
red the color that is getting sucked out of my fake smile
 I have to get to my family
I have to give to my kids who looks
at there daddy as a
strong
wise man
who never hurts
but inside my viens are collapsing with the
vicious
absence of blood and
absence of happiness
they see a brave man
who's bones where made from stone
And War definitely
 has made my heart full of stone but my week limbs are definitely not strong
most of my bones
are actually cut from under me
with only my scared flesh and bandaged soal standing
alone
in blood
Alone emotionally
with people physically
around me
Some dying
My kids don't
see the week broken man I see, that I have become and I  have gotten used to
 they see a
loving father
who does not see his kids
 the fake smile I give them is almost as painfully as the pain
 I don't let them see
  when I come home,
 if I come home.

-private Kist

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